This must be the best restful-sleep-inducing invention since “good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” or the “if I die before I wake” version of the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep prayer. I mean, I was already sure that Elf on the Shelf’s tag line was “Freaking Kids Shit Out Since 2005” but the dark boy version just really does it for me and I must own one.
I think it’s the eyes. The red, staring eyes rarely seen outside of a halfway house formeth addicts or the Halloween movie franchise. The description of the doll does nothing to offset its freakish facial expression: “Since its launch in 2005, The Elf on the Shelf® has captured the hearts of children everywhere” yeah, just like the Gentlemen captured hearts in Buffy.
They need to take seven and they might take yours…
Can’t call to mom. Can’t say a word. You’re gonna die screaming but you won’t be heard.”
Sleep tight everyone!